I Can Do It Too

Do I go to the doctor's office and tell them that I can prescribe medicine? Hey, I give people Excedrin if they have a headache. Do I tell the locksmith that I can fix locks? I mean I've broken into a house or two(all my dwellings of course). Do I tell Peyton Manning that I could be a quarterback if I wanted to? People say I can throw a ball. Do I tell the pastor of my church that I could preach? I know scriptures.
The answer to all of those questions is "NO"! SO WHY THE F--- DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO TELL ME YOU SHOULD DO COMEDY?! People say that you're funny? Well were there strangers judging you from the moment you stepped onstage? Was what you said an inside joke that only you and your inner circles of friends would get? Can you take being under hot lights, having people hang on your every word, and think on your toes if things don't go your way? Can you make people laugh from what you come up with or what you heard Katt Williams say?
You can sing. I can't. You can design a house. I can't. You can fly a plane. I can't. I can do comedy. YOU CAN'T! This is mine! I'm not gonna lessen the value of what you do by saying I can do it even though I have never tried it. So why not treat me the same? You wanna get onstage? I invite you to do it. But until you've felt that microphone in your had and got that first laugh, do me a favor...SHUT THE FUCK UP!