M.E.D.I.A

I can see hear, see, and feel you, but I could never touch you
Which is probably a good thing, because sometimes I wanna punch you
I can simply look at you and you can sell me your dream
How come when I look away I don't see the same thing?
Even if I was illiterate I could still read between the lines
Is this just the way of the world?
Or is it the sign of the times?
I lack a valid opinion, pressured to adhere to your standards
When I ask no stupid questions, why do I get ridiculous answers?
I tend to block you out, but my associates associate with you
And even when they can't agree with you, they still share your view
I could live without you, but that seems to be only figurative
They say civilization is dying
You're the reason its as sick as it is
Torn between our worlds, they have to be intertwined
The more I observe you, the more I study myself and my mind
I don't meet your height or weight requirement
Why do I even let you in to my environment?
The more I let you dictate
The more I fabricate
Just so that I can relate
Which allow your words to hold weight
As I come to the realization
That you have no hesitation
In thinking that your lack of education propelled your occupation
This only causes me frustration
You tell me how to
Think
Walk
Dress
Talk
Eat
You feel justified in determining what's beautiful when it's only skin deep
You glorify
Destruction
Judgement
Drugs
Crimes
Obstruction of justice
Mass murder
Suicide
I'm not saying its not there, but its still not fair
How you make us feel
Yet you don't seem to care
My ignorance allows you to influence my actions in parts
But like a transplant, I have a change of heart
I know that I have to accept your power over my world
Or in it
Because no matter how much I'm against you
I'll end up in it
So in this open letter
All I ask is that you do better
To represent me
My people
My life
My struggle
My story
My future
But in me is us, so I guess I mean Ours
Music. Entertainment. Drama, Internet.
Is this Art?

Vicious Cycle

My mind is messed up, waiting to get sexed up
Who is next up, the one to lift her dress up?
I never feign interest, but it's my fault I'm in this
What I said, I meant it, this cycle seems endless
See, my heart was still there while I was pulling your hair
And had you reaching for shit that ain't there, yeah, I did care
Do I love you? No lie. Do I show you? I try
I die when you cry, I can never say bye
Of course there's you. But there's her. And her too
And the one I call 'Boo'. But wait, I'm not through
Here's the swirl. When I'm with you, you're my world
And with her, she's my girl. I'll cherish like a pearl
I really like you.
No matter how much I'd like to
I could never wife you, cause the others I like too
Long as I have this addiction, my heart has no restriction
So due to my condition, this is my prediction
I'll always play my part, but I'll stop before it starts
Trust me, I'll try too hard, somehow I'll always break your heart

True.Real.Everlasting.

That Moment

If you only had one chance, one hit, or one miss
One split moment to try and steal a kiss
One look in the moonlight to see the twinkle in their eye
One quick second to make a smile from a cry
One touch to feel their heat and see if they're real
One sentence to tell that person how you truly feel
If you could close your eyes while you lie next to them
Would you open your eyes, or would you rest with them
Being so close, would you breathe in their essence
Cherish that night, that hour, that minute, that second
If you had that moment to grab their hand and lock fingers
Would you dance with them just to let the moment linger
Just to take a minute to experience every fiber of their being
Hold them tight and squeeze, and forget about everything
Now take a moment and think about that moment you lack
Cause the moment you lost them, you can never get it back

True.Real.Everlasting.

Not Afraid

I'm not afraid of death. I've lived it.
I've watched it, I've dealt with it. I've not dealt with it.
I'm moved on from it. I've carried it with me.
I've buried it in my memories, only to be reminded on days when I wanna call those who heaven has taken.
I've planned death, and felt it in me.
I've struggled with death. The death of family, friends, strangers.
But I don't fear death.
I fear not waking up in the morning.
I fear not saying I love you to those you mean the most to me.
Not hugging my little sister when she needs a shoulder to cry on.
Not being able to answer the phone when I'm the first person called.
I fear not meeting Her, making Her happy, and having a child with Her.
Not being able to say how I feel not knowing the outcome.
Whether it be good or bad, I fear not being able to see the consequences of my actions.
I fear fame, but at the same time I feel the fear of not becoming that.
Not laughing with my friends when I could be alone crying.
I fear not taking chances.
Not telling anyone that I ever hurt that I'm sorry.
Not forgiving those who've hurt me.
I fear not reaching my potential.
Not seing how far I've come.
Not seeing how far I still have to go.
You may question my decisions, call me reckless, carefree, or crazy.
But if I die doing what God put me here to do, I will have conquered my biggest fear. For I am not afraid of dying,
I'm afraid of NOT LIVING. True.Real.Everlasting

Tears Of A Clown

"Hi, we're gonna take good care of you. I'm nurse Emily." If she only knew the irony of that short introduction. At this moment, with everything in my life piled up on me and attempting to deal with it in an extreme fashion, all could do is laugh. As my aunt groaned and whispered, "Is there another nurse. That name is part of the reason he's here.", I realized that it is damn near impossible to run from your problems. Before I go any further, I wanna thank those of you who knew about this, and not only stuck beside me, but allowed me to tell it on my own time. And for those who consider themselves close to me and didn't know, it's doesn't mean we're not close. I just had to deal with my struggles in my own way. On July 31, 2012, I attempted suicide. It wasn't a cry for help. I didn't tweet or post anything to make people feel pity or try to save me. I was way past that. In fact only one person knew. For all intents and purposes, I was planning to die on that rainy sunday. For quite a few years now, I've suffered with depression. Like many people who have it, especially men, I hid it. I wore a smile as a mask in front of even the most intimate of friends and family. I went out of my way to avoid talking about anything that I felt hurt me.In fact, trying to make others laugh instead of crying over my struggles is probably the main reason I started comedy in the first place. The worst thing about dealing with depression is that you feel you are alone, yet you don't wanna bother people with your problems so you keep it to yourself, so in actually, you are the reason you feel alone. That's the vicious cycle. I was constantly thinking of suicide the entire week before, and no one, not even my parents who both saw me that friday, had any clue that anything was wrong. Faking being happy was the most exhausting thing I have ever done. I'm not writing this for sympathy. Honestly, I don't need it. I'm happy now. I graduate in 2 weeks, I have a great foundation of friends and family around me, I no longer feel like I have to keep things bottled up, and most of all, I want to LIVE! Yes, I still struggle. Some days I still feel alone. But it's alot less. I'm motivated to see what's out there. I'm writing this for people who have been were I was or are still there. I'm writing this for people who may not notice that the friend that is always there to help but not ask may just be afraid to ask. In my first therapy session, my aunt went down a whole list of things that happened that triggered emotions in me, but I never realized that those things were the very things that caused extreme emotional shifts within myself. In order for any disease to have a cure, you have to find the cause. If you can save someone's life by just picking up a phone or texting them, why wouldn't you? I promise, sometimes that all someone may need. In no particular order, I wanna thank everyone who's been apart of my journey to being happy this past year; Mom (both of you), dad, Cynthia (I may not be here without you), Val, Ann, Alex, T Barbara, T Rue, Fran, Edd, Mia, September, Lynn, Ashley, Chamieka, Lish, Tye, Tanesha (all three of y'all), Vandell, Brittany, Kenyatta, Virshina, Brian, Takelia, Jessica, and so many other people that have been there, sometimes unknowingly, to help me realize that life is to be enjoyed. I love you all.

I Can Do It Too

Do I go to the doctor's office and tell them that I can prescribe medicine? Hey, I give people Excedrin if they have a headache. Do I tell the locksmith that I can fix locks? I mean I've broken into a house or two(all my dwellings of course). Do I tell Peyton Manning that I could be a quarterback if I wanted to? People say I can throw a ball. Do I tell the pastor of my church that I could preach? I know scriptures.
The answer to all of those questions is "NO"! SO WHY THE F--- DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO TELL ME YOU SHOULD DO COMEDY?! People say that you're funny? Well were there strangers judging you from the moment you stepped onstage? Was what you said an inside joke that only you and your inner circles of friends would get? Can you take being under hot lights, having people hang on your every word, and think on your toes if things don't go your way? Can you make people laugh from what you come up with or what you heard Katt Williams say?
You can sing. I can't. You can design a house. I can't. You can fly a plane. I can't. I can do comedy. YOU CAN'T! This is mine! I'm not gonna lessen the value of what you do by saying I can do it even though I have never tried it. So why not treat me the same? You wanna get onstage? I invite you to do it. But until you've felt that microphone in your had and got that first laugh, do me a favor...SHUT THE FUCK UP!